The 'Now, This Sentence' of Wild Dogs' Teeth
The author reflects on the struggle of maintaining creativity and passion in the face of life's mundanity and personal apathy.
As the author reaches an age where the passage of time feels increasingly similar, they have become accustomed to the phrase 'I guess that’s just how it is.' This state of mind seems to be a coping mechanism for the frustrations of middle age, where both good and bad experiences blend into a general sense of exhaustion and indifference. As they grapple with this attitude, the idea of creativity feels as if it diminishes with each use of the phrase, highlighting the dissonance between the harsh realities of life and the act of creating meaningful work.
The author draws a parallel with the late writer Park Wan-soo, who also appeared to endure profound personal pain without letting it infect his written word. Rather than projecting his dislike of life's imperfections outward, Park confronted his own shortcomings with a kind of fierce self-awareness that the author finds both admirable and inflating. This contrasts sharply with the author's feelings of resignation and shame, as they've grown jaded about the state of life, often feeling undeserving of the hope and curiosity that once drove them.
In spite of feelings of inadequacy, the author expresses a desire to challenge their current mindset, pushing away the 'I guess that’s just how it is' mentality for a moment to clean off the dust of hope and curiosity. The narrative is a reminder that, as a creator, one must continually wrestle with both despair and aspiration, highlighting the importance of confronting both internal and external obstacles to find renewed purpose in one's work and existence.